Your guardian angel at the Grand Bohemian Hotel.

Your guardian angel at the Grand Bohemian Hotel.

THE FIRST PERFECT SCORE IN STALLMAN’S GUIDE HISTORY

While strolling through Biltmore Village on a recent evening, we found ourselves in need of a pit stop. There are any number of toilets around to choose from, but in what we consider a flash of brilliance, we went for the lobby of the Grand Bohemian Hotel. The toilets were very easy to find, and entirely elegant. In the women’s room, an ante room decorated with oil paintings and fine wooden furniture leads you into the room proper. Each stall is demarcated with a heavy wooden door, which incidentally does not lock. We reckon with a door like that, the rule is that if it’s open go for it, if it’s closed, then wait your turn. Inside the stalls we found more oil paintings. We were especially fond of the golden angel hovering on the wall near the sinks. In fact, the whole room was a feast for the eyes.  Decor = 10

We’ve complained about stacks of paper towels before, ahem GPI, but at the Grand Bohemian, they know what they’re doing. Stacks of towels are a delight when a) they are real terry cloth towels and b) are rolled and then stacked into delightful pyramids. We didn’t have the least bit of concern about sitting ourselves down on their thrones. Cleanliness = 10

Sometimes we question the need for the category of amenities, but then we encounter a restroom like the one at Grand Bohemian. The place is brimming with amenities. Most notably are the variety of products from their spa collection, which are available for use. We were also pretty impressed by the chrome baby changing table–the first chrome one we’ve so far encountered in Asheville. Might it be the only chrome baby changing table in the world? So haul your baby’s ass over there if you want the creme de la creme.  And, if you are willing to walk a few steps from the restrooms, you’ll find the hotel’s complimentary beverage station, which on that evening featured water infused with orange slices. Amenities = 10

Total = 30 (our first perfect score!)

Lovely ladies to escort you into the women's room.

Lovely ladies to escort you into the women’s room.

Entering into the Grand Throne Room.

Entering into the Grand Throne Room.

Relax and luxuriate.

Relax and luxuriate.